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We've compiled a practical list of fifty tried and tested tips to make sure the ‘big O’ is a reality for you and your partner. You don’t have to try all these ideas at once; you can pick one for each week of the year.

The ‘best sex’ is an emotional, spiritual and physical experience. Being pleasant every day creates a loving and relaxing atmosphere for both of you to explore your love in different kinds of ways. Sex begins in the mind, so both partners should feel respected, loved and wanted even before they decide to take their clothes off.

1.Take care of yourself. Eat well, work out and visit the salon regularly. This will give you confidence and make you more appealing to everyone around you, especially your partner.

2. When no one's looking, give your partner a sneak peek in public. Granted, it's not exactly violins-in-the-background romantic, but it's certainly guaranteed to send his heart (and pulse) soaring.

3. Tell him when you think he looks sexy.

4. Researchers from the University of Gronignen say that people respond to touch based on who is touching them and emotions they attach to this affection. Get used to touching your partner when you want to encourage them and avoid doing it when either of you is angry. They’ll associate your caress with positive, happy emotions!

5. Tell your partner what you like in bed in a casual and calm manner. They’ll remember it when it counts!

6. Flirt like your life depends on it!

7. Sit in silence. There are many benefits of mediation and tension free silence. Spending time in mutual silence not only gives you a chance to be comfortable in each other’s presence, it is also an opportunity for your partner to “chase you” and ask you questions for a change.Unfortunately, many people have been socialised to use silence as a weapon which can make your partner feel like they are walking on eggshells. 

8. Next weekend do something that they like – without complaining or whining!

9. Give meaningful and truthful compliments, regularly.

10. Wear nice pieces of underwear. You don’t have to wear a thong or G-string; just avoid unsightly and/or torn undergarments. A lady should always look good – inside and out – even when she doesn’t expect to get lucky!

11. Be vulnerable. Everyone likes to know that their partner needs them and wants them to be there. Ask for help when you need it and be genuinely thankful for what your partner does.

12. Share a sexual fantasy you’ve always had. Listen to your partners as well, without any judgement. It creates trust, bonding and a puppy love kind of environment even if you don’t act on them.

13. Let go of past hurts and do not suppress any hurt emotions. Anger can make you subconsciously resentful. Do you remember how it was when you first met? Everything was fun and you were easy going, partly because there none of you had hang-ups. If they does something to upset you, tell them as soon as you calm down.

14. Eat together. Our elders said that food is the way to a man’s stomach. That’s partly true because a satisfied man – or woman– is a happy person. Take time to make something special and eat together. Not while watching TV or reading a paper, but listening to each other and enjoying your food. If you are up to it, create a meal with aphrodisiacs and enjoy!

15. Technology can get in the way of maximizing your affection. Agree to ditch your phones for at least an hour a day. 

To get things steamy, whether it’s the night before, a few hours before or even the day before, work on your pre-foreplay to create a sense of anticipation and longing. It can be as elaborate or simple as you want it to be

16. For that special night toss away that unsightly (but practical) head wrap and snug t-shirt for some sexy lingerie.

17. Invest in daring pieces of lingerie and negligee, which you can wear on nights when you are feeling especially seductive or romantic.

18. Convince your partner to accompany you as you shop for a sexy outfit or browse online for sex toys you can use together.

19. Kiss... Kiss deeply and passionately like it’s the only thing you are allowed to do!

20. Give him a sensual massage.

21. Walk in on your partner taking a shower or bath and give a helping hand.


22. Maintain high standards or hygiene. And encourage him to do the same.

23. A friend once told me his girlfriend had the habit of talking about their problems after they had sex. Needless to say, he became anxious about seeing her and they broke up. Sex is calming and it may seem like a good idea to discuss issues while you make out or as you lie in bed. Don’t fall into the habit of being open to sex only after you have had a fight or when you want to sort out a problem.

24. In the middle of the day, send a text to tell him what you’d like him to do. If you are conservative just say, ‘Thinking of you’ or ‘Can’t wait to see you.’

25. Go out for dinner then rent a cheap hotel room.

26. Pull him into the bathroom or closet for a quick make out session while at a party.

27. Set the mood beforehand. Take a relaxing bath, wear an outfit you feel especially good in, light candles or play a romantic CD.

28. Pick a signature scent. If a perfume is too overpowering, it can be off-putting. However, a signature scents is something for your partner to look forward to when they tuck their head in your neck – or other places – as it will drive them up the wall! 

So, you’re getting down to business, could it be any better? Perhaps; here are a few other things you can do.

29. Be yourself. Think of what you would like to do and start there. The more relaxed you are, the more you'll be able to explore your sensuality.

30. Try and see how long you can both wait before tearing your clothes off.

31. Be present in the moment. Don’t think about what to do next or what the kids will wear tomorrow. Experience each moment.

32. Dry hump with your clothes on. It’s a great way to stimulate one another before things really get heated.

33. Let go of all inhibitions and be open to adventure! Push your comfort levels and try as many new things as you can. If you feel scared or unsure, communicate on what you are feeling and do not be pressured if you are unable to continue. Remember, consent is key!

34. Breathe deeply while you kiss. It will calm your senses and you will experience the combination of the calming effect of air circulating through your blood and the caress of his skin on yours.

35. Not sure what he likes in bed or even what you like? Do some research! Download Sex At Dawn and go on from there.

36. Be vocal. Let him know when he finds ‘the spot’ by moaning or stating that you like it.

37. Don’t pretend to like a move that you hate or pretend that you’ve had an orgasm when you haven’t. Karma is real, and you’ll be stuck with bad sex for the remainder of your relationship!

38. Scratch him or dig your fingers into his skin or grab him sensuously if you sense that he doesn’t want a little bit of pain.

39. Be responsive! We all like the occasional 'kifo cha mende' move but sometimes, participate.


40. It is blessed to give even as you receive.

41. Sometimes, your man is more excited than you are or perhaps he ejaculates too fast. Be supportive and try not to laugh (if you must laugh into the pillow!)

42. Look at him as you make love. Don't stare intensely as a serial killer would, but do it in a sensual and meaningful kind of way.

43. Encourage the occasional quickie. Do it before you go to work or catch a flight. Why not? You Only Live Once (YOLO). Besides, it keeps your relationship fresh!

44. Use lube. No one has ever complained about being too wet. P.S: It will also keep you feeling comfortable and bruise free after!

45. Role play. It doesn’t have to be extreme or elaborate. Is there someone you always wanted to dress like or a role you know your partner will like? Try it!

46. Mirror his actions. Is he increasing his rhythm or slowing down? Pick up your pace or take it down as well. It sounds like rocket science, but when you think about it, it isn’t that hard. Understand your man and get into your rhythm – just as he gets into yours!

47. Take control. Unless your man is one of those weird ‘traditional’ types, he will love this one! Play the dominatrix and initiate sex then follow through by leading him through moves that you want to try out.

48. Find your G-spot and then help him find it! 

49. Start making love in a different part of the house. Are you one of those couples who always go to the bedroom or have a set routine? Mix things up by initiating sex in the kitchen, living room or even balcony for a change.

50. Foreplay is important and if you are with a guy who always jumps the gun,you need to insist on a proper warm up before intercourse. Unless it’s a ‘quickie’, gently whisper ‘not yet babe’ or tell him that it’s going to be better if he waits. Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, so choose positions that allow for clitoral stimulation – or better yet, let him eat you out before!